


Confession (Part IV)

by Maraudererasmut



Series: Wolfstar Shorts [8]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, F/M, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Gryffindor Common Room, Love Confessions, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, not smut, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-15 00:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16051709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maraudererasmut/pseuds/Maraudererasmut
Summary: James tries to convince Sirius to tell Remus the truth, using alcohol as a social lubricant. Sirius struggles with his feelings, like always.





	Confession (Part IV)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still not exactly 100% happy with this chapter, so I may go back and make some edits, but I really wanted to get it posted, so here it is!
> 
> I've tried to take some advice from previous comments and put them to good use in this chapter! I hope those efforts have come across! Like always, your constructive criticism is always extremely helpful, and I am constantly striving to improve as a writer.
> 
> There's going to be one more chapter in this "Confession" series, showing what happens to James during this short!
> 
> This one is not smutty, but it does have some strong language and some adult themes. You have been warned!

Sirius walked down the stairs of Gryffindor tower and entered the common room to find it empty, save for Peter and James. They were both staring at him.

 

Sirius stared back for a moment before sulkily falling into his usual chair.

 

“Padfoot…” James began in a careful, hushed voice. “Did you… tell him?”

 

Sirius glanced up at James, but his eyes lowered once their gazes met. He shook his head slightly, staring at the table in front of him.

 

“Sirius, you get your ass upstairs and tell Remus right now or I'm doing it for you.”

 

“There's no point...” Sirius grumbled.

 

James sighed.

 

“What a waste of a bottle,” he mumbled under his breath, standing up slowly and walking to Sirius’ armchair.

 

“Padfoot,” he said, holding out a hand for Sirius in an attempt to help him up. “This is your chance. Tell him.”

 

Sirius stared at James’ hand and then up at James before talking.

 

“You…” he started angrily. “You are such a fucking hypocrite! You want me to tell him? Why the fuck don't you tell Evans then, eh?”

 

“Fine,” James said, crossing his arms. “I will if you will.” It was a dare.

 

In the six years of knowing each other, Sirius had never once backed down from one of James’ dares. He wasn't about to start now.

 

“Fine. If you grow a pair and tell Lily, I'll go tell Remus.” He knew James would never follow through.

 

“Evans!” James shouted all of a sudden, stumbling his way to the staircase that led up to the girl's dormitory. “Eeeevaaans!” He called up the stairs. He looked back at Sirius and smirked. “You'd better get that ass upstairs and hold up your end. Evans! Get down here, I wanna talk to you!”

 

Sirius glared at James, who was leaning against the handrails of the staircase for stability and shouting at the top of his lungs. Padfoot turned around to look at Peter, who had been sitting on the couch for the whole conversation, clearly very confused. Sirius shrugged, grabbed the bottle of Firewhisky and drank its remaining contents before heading upstairs.

 

At the entrance to the marauder's dorm room, Sirius paused. Since becoming an animagus, his hearing had sharpened and subtle noises were easier to pick up. The sound of muffled crying was coming from inside and Sirius’ heart dropped in his chest. He made his Moony cry. Steadying himself for the conversation ahead, Sirius carefully turned the knob and opened the door, stepping into the room.

 

Remus heard the door open and immediately stopped crying, attempting to hide his shame.

 

“Hey, James, can you just give me a few minutes?” Remus’ voice was hoarse and weak, barely masking the pain he felt.

 

Sirius took a deep breath before responding.

 

“It’s not James…”

 

There was no answer.

 

“It’s… It’s me… Sirius.” Just in case Remus couldn't tell.

 

Silence.

 

“Remus… can we talk?”

 

“No.” Remus’ response was curt and poisonous. Sirius flinched when he heard the anger in that voice.

 

“Fine.” His answer was equally as sharp, but he softened slightly when he realized how hurt Moony must be. “Don’t speak to me. I’ll talk. You don’t have to respond.”

 

Sirius made his way over to Remus’ bed, the only one with closed curtains, and sat down on the floor. The room spun from the sudden movement and Sirius realized just how inebriated he had become. The drapery ruffled slightly as he leaned against the mattress; a position he’d sat in on several occasions without Remus’ knowledge.

 

Sirius readied himself with another deep inhale before starting, allowing the alcohol to release his inhibitions.

 

“Remus…”

 

Still no answer from behind the curtains.

 

“Look, Remus, I’m sorry. I… I didn’t meant to… I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

 

Sirius put his face in his hands and waited. After not hearing any response, he swept his hair back and continued talking to himself.

 

“Remus, I… I have to tell you something. And I know that when I tell you… you’re… I’m probably gonna lose you… but I… I just… I have to, you know?”

 

Nothing.

 

“I…” This was going to be difficult to say. The layer of fog in his brain wasn’t helping.

 

“Remus, I…”

 

There was shouting coming from the common room and staircase. It was a girl’s voice. James was probably telling Lily right now.

 

Sirius’ heart was racing and he was having trouble breathing. His head spun while he struggled to get his bearings.

 

“Remus... I love you.”

 

He said it. The alcohol helped.

 

“I mean… like… I love all of you guys. You, Peter, James, all of you… but with you…” Sirius was beginning to choke on his words, his throat closing in and his heart pounding its way out of his chest. “With you, Reme… It’s different. I… I’m… I don’t just love you like a friend, you know? It’s… it’s different.”

 

A slight rustling was coming from the bed behind the curtains.

 

“Remus…” Tears were beginning to build up in Sirius’ eyes as he forced himself to get the words out. “I’m… I’m in love with you.”

 

A head poked through the curtains.

 

Remus stared at Sirius, an incredulous look filled with shock and disbelief. Sirius looked up at him, dark grey eyes glistening with emotion. He blinked and looked away, allowing the tears to fall down his cheek, embarrassed by his patheticness.

 

“Now you’re gonna call me a fuckin’ poof and never want to talk to me again…” The tears were beginning to flow more steadily. “I know, I know, I’m an idiot for even saying anything, but I’ve just, I’ve needed to get this out, you know, and I just needed to tell you and it’s been so hard and I've liked you for so long and I've been so scared and I don't know how to deal with these feelings and I’m kinda drunk and it was just easier this way and I…”

 

“Shut up,” Remus interrupted.

 

Sirius stared up at him, mouth agape, eyes watery.

 

A smile crept across Remus’ face; Sirius was damn cute when he was distraught. Lupin crossed his arms along the edge of the bed and rested his head gently on them so that he was looking Sirius directly in the eyes.

 

“You hate me now, don’t you… You think I’m a fuckin’ homo or…” Sirius started again, but noticed Remus’ signature eye roll.

 

“No, Sirius.” His smile was getting softer, kinder. “Now I’m going to tell you exactly how I feel.”

 

Sirius was quiet, expecting Remus to never want to talk to him again.

 

“You accused me of being jealous before...” Remus started. “And I was… But not jealous of you, you prick. I was jealous of them…”

 

Sirius’ eyes narrowed. He didn’t understand what Remus was trying to tell him.

 

“Of… of all the girls that you slept with. They always got your attention and… and your affection. And they got to… well, they got to be with you.” Remus’ eyes began to water slightly and he used a hand to quickly wipe away his tears. The tips of his ears reddened as he awkwardly glanced away. “I saw the way you looked at them and I… I wanted you to look at me like that.”

 

Sirius’ expression changed slightly. It was almost a bewildered smile. He stared up at his friend’s face poking through the curtains.

 

“You’re not fuckin’ with me, yeah?”

 

“I’m not fucking with you,” Remus grinned.

 

“You… you actually… were…”

 

“Yes, Sirius. I was actually jealous. Why do you think I always got so frustrated at you for singing your tales of conquest?”

 

Sirius choked out a hoarse, painful laugh. He couldn’t believe what was happening to him.

 

“Sirius, I like you. A lot. As… as more than a friend, you git.”

 

Suddenly, before he had a chance to react,  Remus felt rough hands around his face and coarse lips pressed against his. Lips that tasted like smoke and Firewhiskey. Lips that were desperate for more, paired with fingers that wrapped their way through his hair and stubble that scratched against his face. Just as suddenly as it started, the kiss ended, and Remus was looking into Sirius’ eyes, teary and joyful.

 

“Wha…” Remus began.

 

“Remus, I…I can’t believe this. You… we…I...I just...”

 

Sirius came in for another kiss and this time Remus was ready. He closed his eyes as those dry, hungry lips pressed against his own. When they parted slightly, his mirrored them. His heart was racing and his head was swimming. In the back of his mind, a voice was yelling: _This is a dream. This is all just a dream. Sirius would never kiss you. Sirius would never love you._ But it felt real. More real than anything Remus had ever felt before. More real than the day he got his letter, more real than his first day of classes, more real than the first time his friends showed him their animagus forms, more real than his first night in the forest with them.

 

When the two men broke apart, Remus could hardly speak.

 

“Sirius…” was all he could get out.

 

Sirius wrapped his fingers around Remus’ tie and gently tugged it, desire spreading from his slate eyes down to his cocky smirk.

 

“Get your ass down here.”

 

Remus scrambled so quickly, he fell gracelessly out of the bed and landed on the floor next to a laughing Sirius. He straightened himself up, his head still swimming with alcohol and his heart racing with anticipation.

 

Sirius wrapped one arm around Remus’ waist and grabbed his hair with the other hand, planting an aggressive kiss on Remus’ lips. Remus pulled back slightly, but Sirius leaned into him.

 

“Sirius, stop…” He had trouble getting words out with Sirius’ mouth in the way.

 

“Why…” Sirius purred in Remus’ ear, gently nibbling it as he went. “I’ve wanted this so badly, for so long. Haven’t you?”

 

Remus sighed, chills running through his body from Sirius’ breath against the nape of his neck. He almost gave in to the temptation, but his rational side took over.

 

“No,” he said, gently putting his hands on Sirius’ chest and pushing lightly. “Wait…”

 

Sirius pulled back, looking hurt and confused. Did Remus realize he was straight after their kiss? Did he realize that he was only interested in the idea of Sirius and that actually acting upon these feelings disgusted him?

 

Remus saw the fear on Sirius’ face and hesitantly raised his hand to that pale, stubbled cheek. Slim, scarred fingers brushed back long, dark hair. Remus gently ran his fingertips across Sirius’ piercings and felt his stomach flip inside his body, relishing the opportunity to touch that face, that hair, those ears.

 

“Why…” Sirius asked softly, bringing his hand to Remus’ cheek.

 

Remus smiled.

 

“Let’s talk. Let’s just… talk…”

 

Sirius was confused. He had been waiting years to finally be able to kiss Remus. Remus returned his feelings. Why couldn’t they just snog and enjoy themselves?

 

“Sirius…” Remus’ voice was hushed and studded with notes of anxiety. “Is… Is this really what you want? You just… you seem… You’ve always been with girls and…”

 

Sirius brought Remus’ head towards his own and pressed their foreheads together.

 

“You really are an idiot. Just… shut up. Shut up and kiss me. Enjoy this. This moment? This is ours. I love you, you love me, embrace it.”

 

Remus wasn’t sure he was able to “embrace” any moment the way Sirius wanted him to. Sirius knew how to live in the present, relishing in the whirlwind of adventure and allowing life to carry him without a care in the world. Remus was always plagued by thoughts of the future, making plans, establishing timelines; He was never able to master the art of letting go or relaxing. There was always too much fear and worry running through his head, and this was no exception. Maybe Sirius was only interested in him because of the alcohol. Maybe Sirius only said he was in love as a weird, twisted way of apologizing. Maybe when they woke up tomorrow, nothing will have changed and Sirius will go back to his playboy ways, leaving Remus lost and alone.

 

Sirius could sense some of Remus’ anxieties. Instead of following his instinct to kiss those worries away, he wrapped a gentle arm around Remus’ shoulders and pulled him close so that both boys were leaning with their backs against the bed.

 

“I won’t ever leave you,” Sirius whispered. “Not tomorrow. Not next year. Not a hundred years from now. I have never wanted anything as much as I’ve wanted you. You’re stuck with me.” A playful smirk crossed his face as he nudged Remus and kissed his head, inhaling the scents of old books and cinnamon that lingered in that sandy coloured hair.

 

Remus let out a sigh and leaning into Sirius.

 

“I want this. I really do. I just want to make sure that… well, that you want this. As much as I do. I can’t wake up in the morning and find out that this was just the result of Firewhiskey induced nonsense…I just… I don’t have that in me… I wouldn’t be able to handle it...”

 

Sirius smiled, his cheek resting against Remus’ head. Moony really was an idiot sometimes.

 

“I don’t like girls, Remus.”

 

Sirius said it with such conviction that Lupin spent a moment confused.

 

“Then why…”

 

“I wanted to like girls.” A sad, soft chuckle. “I really did. But I couldn't. Every time I tried, I could only think… well, I could only think of you.” Another kiss to Remus’ forehead. Sirius inhaled deeply and smiled. “I tried. I hoped that maybe one day I’d grow to like it... So I kept trying.” Sirius was starting to tear up again, and he was thankful that Remus couldn’t see it.

 

Remus felt Sirius’ chest heave with sadness.

 

“I’m not going to try anymore.” It was a weird way of phrasing it, but Remus understood exactly what Sirius meant. “I’m sorry, by the way...” Sirius’ voice caught in his chest. “I didn’t realize how much it hurt you, Moons. If I did… If I had known… I never would have slept with any of them. I never would have been with anyone but you.”

 

“Those poor girls…” Remus said with a laugh.

 

“Some of them knew,” Sirius mused. “And some of them figured it out along the way.” Sirius laughed quietly, accidentally shaking Remus, who was fully leaning against him. “Quinn knew. I was a little too drunk last time we were together…” Remus pondered the notion for a moment, secretly wondering why she’d proposition Sirius if she knew he was gay. “Since then, she’s kinda been like a weird confidant…” Sirius smirked, knowing that a few hours ago, Remus had been jealous of this woman. Jealous of someone who never had any intentions of sleeping with anyone that night.

 

“But before…” Remus still didn’t get what was going on.

 

“She...She’s been helping me keep up pretenses. I didn’t want the whole house to find out...Guess I don’t have to do that anymore...”

 

Remus looked up at Sirius, expecting to see sadness. The face that looked back down at him was one filled with affection. For the first time in his life, Remus suddenly knew what it was like for a person to look at him as if he was perfect. He felt loved, desired, needed. Remus felt complete.

 

Much to Sirius’ surprise, Remus abruptly shifted and swung a leg over both of Sirius’. Two arms folded around Sirius’ neck, hazel eyes gleaming with a newfound mischief, thin lips grinning in a teasing smile.

 

“Reme, you don’t have to…”

 

“Fuck it,” Remus said coyly, allowing the alcohol that was making the room spin to take over. “I’m drunk, you’re drunk… I want you... Just kiss me.” He pulled on Sirius’ tie to bring their two lips together. Sirius hesitated for a moment before carefully wrapping his hands around Remus’ waist and gently bringing him closer.

 

Remus felt Sirius’ lips part again and his tongue snaked into his mouth. At sixteen years old, Remus wouldn’t ever admit to the boys that he had no experience kissing. Despite that, he mimicked what Sirius was doing and very quickly caught on. Alcohol and cigarette smoke lingered on Sirius’ warm, dexterous tongue as Remus passionately ran his own against it. Remus’ hands worked their way up to Sirius’ hair, running fingers through it and grabbing a bit tighter than he intended. Sirius enthusiastically responded by sliding his own hands along Remus’ hips and thighs, eagerly bringing their bodies even closer together.

 

Sirius’ hips began to rock slightly as he held his Moony even tighter against his body. The kiss became more heated, hands became more desperate, mouths exploring each other fervently.

 

The dorm room door slammed open as James waltzed into the room.

 

“Oi! Guess who just got a date with Lily Evans!”

 

He stopped dead in his tracks.

 

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake! Get a fuckin’ room!”

 

Remus hurriedly pulled away from Sirius and drunkenly stumbled backwards onto the floor, face turning bright red from excitement and embarrassment. Sirius just grinned at James before crossing his arms behind his head and cocking an eyebrow.

 

“To your own beds!” James commanded, pointing a finger firmly at Sirius’ bunk. “I’m too drunk to deal with this crap right now!”

 

Sirius laughed and lazily got up from the floor. He held out a hand for Remus, who gratefully took it and stood up. Sirius pulled Remus in for one last kiss before winking at James and sauntering over to his bed. Remus continued to blush and sat wearily into his own bed, his legs weak and his heart pounding.

 

“I don’t ever want to catch you two having sex, you hear me?” James’ tone was playful, but his meaning was clear. Remus covered his face and Sirius barked his typical laugh.

 

“Guys, did you hear?” Peter shouted as he stumbled drunkenly into the room. “James and Lily are goin’ on a date!” He noticed Remus’ pink ears poking out behind scarred hands and tilted his head curiously to the side.

 

“Yeah, apparently so are Sirius and Remus,” James teased. Remus rolled over, trying to hide his embarrassed laughter. Sirius didn’t hide anything.

 

“Damn straight!”

 

“Well, not really,” James joked.

 

This really did turn out to be a good night for the boys.

 


End file.
